When in Deep Shit, Keep Your Mouth Shut
It’s been quite sometime since my last blog. Life’s been so fast and furious for the last couple of weeks that living on the edge would be an understatement of sorts. When you hit the deck at five in the morning and your alarm drags you out of the darkest caverns of slumber at six forty sharp (otherwise Shastriji would facilitate your first DGP) you don’t just get out of bed, stretch n say ‘morning to your roomies. Firstly you don’t register where you are and more alarmingly you don’t realize who you are! When realization does hit you, you have lost five precious minutes which would mean that you got to skip the loo. At least that way you would have an excuse for not going through the pains of the sacred Kapal Bhathi. That’s how a normal day at IIFT commences. The hours fly by at an excruciating pace, which could be too fast or too slow depending on the situation you find yourself in, with you always trying to outsmart and outrun yourself. Everyday exposes you to a plethora of experiences. So varied are they that the mind often fails to register them later. Few of them would be so colourful that they’ll manage to paint your memory bright and vivid forever.
We, at IIFT, are an innovative lot. So much so that we often tend to carry it a bit too far. So sleep deprived we are that it almost becomes our birthright to sleep during lectures. The art is that we can’t afford to get caught; you know that fine line between a hero and a zero, but as Murphy’s law goes, anything that can go wrong, definitely will, we often find ourselves on the wrong side of the line, with the wrong kind of people around. Such was the case with our dearest Mr. Anuj Jain. Now Mr. Jain is one of the most diligent folks of our batch. His motto seems to be, “Tension leneka aur deneka bhi!” Though he prefers to call it precaution for some obscure reason. As a result the gentleman doesn’t get enough sleep in the night. The poor chap doesn’t get to blink an eyelid in class as his permanent seat’s right under the nose of the lecturer but as the saying goes every dog has its day and so did our beloved Anuj.
Our Economics lecturer, Miss Pushpa Kumari, allows us to sit as we please. That fateful morning Anuj managed to grab a seat in a strategic position; bang in the middle of the class! Geographically speaking it was a disaster in the making. The professor was through with almost an hour of the class. The class duration vs intensity of sleep graph is always exponential and there I was, really fighting a losing battle against myself to keep awake. Primarily because I din’t wish to keep awake in the first place. My only aspiration at that moment was to fade away into the realms of the oblivion without Pushpa Kumari noticing the divine transition. An Economics class early in the morning can be a stronger opiate than most of its kind ever experienced by any drug abuser.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. Many of us usually are so far gone beyond the realms of consciousness that we couldn’t care less if the professor’s watching or not. So the virtues of courage and judgement are quite irrelevant here. Nevertheless for people as diligent as Anuj, sleeping in class is an academic evil, precariously hanging on the verge of being a social taboo but that morning history was to be made ‘coz Anuj Jain was about to doze off and more disastrously he was also going to get caught. You can’t really blame the poor chap. He was no expert in the art of cognition faking. You sit in the middle of the class with no frontal cover, which is another way of saying that you are a sitting duck, and more importantly you also try to concentrate; buddy you could have as well stretched out on Pushpa Kumari’s table!
Hey wait guys! This is not the end of the fiasco. In fact it’s just the beginning. Anuj probably had never ever found himself in such an embarrassing situation in his ever so serious, no non-sense life. He perhaps was already elevating himself to the status of a martyr, albeit without a cause, when he thought better of it and decided that drastic situations call for drastic measures. But my dear friend not when you have just come out of a nice little nap. “Mam, I wasn’t sleeping. I was actually thinking about what you said with my eyes closed!” No more, no less. Anuj Jain at his innovative or inventive best (I leave it for you to decide) made this statement in all due earnest, with a perfectly straight face, in the middle of the class. There was pin drop silence for all of five seconds. Even I was sitting wide awake trying to figure out if what I had just heard was due to some post-nap effect or figment of my imagination when I ran out of time. The roar of laughter that thundered in the room for the next two minutes had said it all. I mean people were like, “DUDE, WHAT WERE U THINKING?” A perfect copy book example of thinking on the feet, or perhaps thinking with the feet would be more appropriate! I am sure Anuj would rate this very ‘thoughtful’ incident as one of his most embarrassing moments but he inadvertantly also taught everyone of us present there a very important lesson – when in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!